Funeral Etiquette

There's more to it than what you wear. The accepted customs of dress and behavior for a funeral service have changed over time, but courtesy never goes out of style. Here is what we would like you to know about funeral etiquette.

Making the Most of a Difficult Time

Part of the compassionate attention to detail includes knowing what religious, ethnic or personal considerations you need to take into account. And the other is being respectful of the emotions of close family members.

Here are a few things expected of you:

• Offer an expression of sympathy
  Sometimes we are at a loss for words when encountering something as final as death. Simply saying "I'm sorry for your loss" is usually enough. Be respectful and listen attentively when spoken to, and offer your own words of condolence.

• Determine the dress code
  These days almost anything goes, but only when you know it is the right anything. In fact, sometimes the deceased has specified the dress code; “no black” is a common request. If you cannot determine the wishes of the family, then dress conservatively.

• Give a gift
  It does not matter if it is flowers, a donation to a charity or a commitment of service to the family at a later date that you choose to share; as always, it's the thought that counts. Always make sure to provide the family with a signed card, so they know what gift was given, and by whom.

• Sign the register book.
  Include not only your name, but your relationship to the deceased: co-worker, gym buddy, or casual acquaintance from the golf club. This helps family place who you are in the future.

• Keep in touch.
  It is sometimes awkward for you to do so, but for most people the grieving does not end with the funeral service.

But, What Shouldn't You Do?

• Don't feel that you have to stay
  If you make a visit during calling hours there is no reason that your stay has to be a lengthy one. Stay as long as you are comfortable, and leave when you want to.

• Don't be afraid to laugh
  Remembering their loved one fondly often means sharing a funny story or two. Just be mindful of the time and place; if others are sharing, then you may also share. There is simply no good reason you should not talk about the deceased in a happy, positive tone. After all, we are celebrating their life.

• Don't feel you have to view the deceased if there is an open casket
  Act according to what is comfortable to you, but keep in mind that it is often very comforting and helpful in the grieving process to view the deceased for one last time.

• Don't allow your children to be a disturbance
  If you feel they might be, then leave them with a sitter. But, if the deceased meant something to them, it is a good idea to invite them to share in the experience.

• Don't leave your cell phone on
  Activate the vibrate mode or switch it off before entering the service area, or better yet, leave it in the car. All too often, we see people checking their cell phones for messages during the services. Any reasonable individual will understand your temporary unavailability.

• Don't neglect to step into the receiving line
  Simply say how sorry you are for their loss, let the family know your name and how you knew the deceased.

• Don't be too hard on yourself if you make a mistake
  Everyone does, and you can be sure that an apology may be all that is needed to mend and soothe.

When it's all over, always remember to continue to offer support and love to the bereaved. The next few months are a time when grieving friends and relatives could need you most. Let them know that your support did not end with the funeral; ours doesn't

We are Here to Help

Perhaps you have special concerns about an upcoming funeral or memorial service. We are here to provide the answers you are looking for. Call us at (570) 823-4567.